Hi! My name is Emma Loveday Previous anxiety sufferer and nervous wreck turned life coach and inspirational writer for those of you needing a boost of resilience and toughness.
Thanks for taking the time to peruse the site. I’m here to help you master your mindset, overcome your fears and build emotional resilience.
All of this to live a life of meaning and fulfillment that you so very much deserve.
Here’s a little bit of information about me…
Who am I?
Well I am a woman who suffered with anxiety for over a 15 years now.
Although I was always a shy and quiet child, I would say that it wasn’t until my mid-late teens that I really began to struggle with who I was as a person and quickly my overthinking brain jumped into over-drive and the effects hit me hard.
I would cancel everything!
House parties, gigs, dinner plans, theme park trips…you name it and anything I was invited to would recieve an initial ‘hell yeah!’ and inevitably end in a last minute cancellation.
Speaking up was probably the worst. Finding my voice and being confident with what I had to say.
I specifically recall a time where a tutor of mine marked me down for one of the course modules at University for lack of participation in class discussion.
But I physically felt as though I couldn’t.
I could not open my mouth in class and talk in front of a room of friends and peers.
After years of battling with constant feelings of fear and panic in everyday situations, I decided it was time to take back an element of control and began working towards gathering techniques and understanding.
The more I knew, the more I was able to manage my neurosis.
The more I understood myself, the better equipped I was to handle my anxiety in a way that was specific to me.
And the best way was to take action.
Between the ages of 24-27 I basically had 3 years of saying YES – especially to those things that scared me!
Any social event I was invited to
Joining acting classes and ‘workshop’ (WORKSHOPS – my absolute nightmare)
Weekend training in crazy new things like firarms, mocap, fencing and stage combat.
Concerts and theatre
I took up Japanese Jujitsu and my fighting partner was a 6ft tall, 18 year old boy called Anton (we got on really well).
I also decided that I needed to embrace failure and learn to LOVE IT and this has possibly had the biggest effect on my mindset and determination.
An entire acting career – I embraced job rejection and kept going anyway
Play production – I wrote and produced a play that ran for 4 nights at a London Fringe venue, it didn’t go any further
Scriptwriting – I have written at LEAST 8 stage plays and 4 screenplays
Art Career – You’ll learn that I love to pain and use it as art therapy. I tried selling my artwork to become a professional artist….didn’t happen!
TaffTown Tees – T-shirt business featuring my artwork
Writing a book – Jury is out on this one, it’s almost finished!
I am the QUEEN of failure and throughout the blog you’ll probably get sick of me telling you to fail! Enjoy failure! Embrace failure! Fail more, more, more!
There’s a reason for this everybody.
Failure will get you EVERYWHERE.
We learn from mistakes and we become resilient to the pain of failure. The big difference between you and the mega successes you see on the internet? They have FAILED 1000 more time than you have!
But do you know what else that means? It means that they are constantly trying again and again and again to find that one thing that WORKS that will change their lives forever.
This is what I experienced attempting all of these different careers and ventures – failing does not have any negative effect on me anymore, it only drives me forward.
This is where I want you to be.
At some point during these years of saying yes and learning to love failure I began to break free of my anxiety.
The penny dropped and something clicked into place which had me realizing that I could take control.
I sort of hate that I just said that.
It implies that there is just this magic moment where it all clicks into place and suddenly your anxiety has gone and you’re the version of yourself that you’d always hoped to be.
It took YEARS! I read every book, listened to every podcast, took the CBT and NLP courses and implemented what I was learning and what I’d like to say is that it is a journey.
Changing your mindset is NOT EASY but it absolutely can be done and how quickly you get there depends on how much time and effort you’re willing to give and how much BELIEF you have in yourself to take control.
It was often a challenge trying to explain to someone who cared for me the suffering that comes with an anxious mind.
I would be fearful of judgement, embarrassed that I couldn’t get a hold of myself and ‘snap out of it’. But anyone who has had a similar experience with their mental health knows how anxiety, or anything similar, does not have a quick fix.
My mental health is as important, if not MORE important, than my physical health. And thankfully, I came to realize this in time.
There is no cure for anxiety, but there are ways for us to constantly improve our daily lives by learning to live with it and manage it in a way that suits us when it raises it’s ugly head.
Regularly do I have days where a situation arises and I can feel the hard knot in my stomach begin to form; my mouth fills with saliva, my heart rate rises and my palms become sweaty.
I have not BEATEN anxiety, but IT will NOT beat me!….And it will not beat you, my friend.
I have trodden through the mud and rain to discover the best way to manage fears, anxiety, insecurities and live a life of meaning and fulfilment so you won’t have to take the same hard journey.
It’s all about knowledge, understanding and implementation.
I am not a therapist or psychologist, simply a keen life enthusiast and observer of human behaviour.
Finding out what makes us tick, how we’ve evolved and why we are effected the way we are – that understanding can give you everything you need to take CONTROL.
Your life is in your hands and it was only when I began to take action during my 3 years of saying YES that I was able to take full responsibility for my actions and…well…my life.
The truth is, we would all love it if someone handed us the answers on a silver platter. Solved our problems for us and made it so life wasn’t so damn hard.
But, guess what?
Life is hard. It’s our willingness to deal with the pain and struggle that makes or breaks us.
So no, I don’t have answers but I can offer guidance. And that I am happy to give in abundance.
This change of mindset spills over into every area of your life so once you’ve got it, you’re in an excellent position to transfer the skills from one area to another.
Relationships are a great example of this.
THIS is my human:
Excuse my murderous smile there, the sun was glaring in my eyes.
It was only through learning about anxiety, healthy communication, confrontation avoidance, non-violent communication and working on my own personal development that I have managed to apply all of this knowledge to my relationship.
Before Nathan, I was in a one sided partnership.
That was my relationship anxiety.
With Nathan, our situation is a lot harder. We have a lot more things to take into consideration and our situation is more of a struggle but we have a great relationship.
Our communication is healthy and a top priority. We can manage the obstacles thrown at us because we have a great foundation of honesty, trust and compromise to work on.
This is why I also focus on relationship anxiety in this blog.
We are talking about finding someone we can be with FOR LIFE.
It’s pretty damn important, don’t you think?
Some things I have discovered that provide me with relief from my over-thinking brain…
(These outlets may not be best for you so I hope you are able to find what helps calm you in times of overwhelm. It’s worth taking the time to find out what works for you and your anxiety).
I love to paint and write above all as hours pass and before I know it it’s dinner time and my blank canvas now has the beginnings of a new piece of artwork ready for the wall.
I will never stop reading! The best tips, advice and breakthroughs that I have experienced have either come from talking to someone or from a great book. There are a lot out there, plenty that are not so great and a handful that are life-changing; I’d say it’s worth trudging through the uninspired mumbo jumbo to find the hidden gems.
BUT, when all that fails I will happily have a day on the sofa, watching bad TV and eating whatever happens to be in arms reach because, shock horror…we’re all human.
Why have I adopted the title of Resilient Humans?
Well, because it is how I feel. I used to feel emotionally fragile to… well, everything. Highly sensitive and a nervous wreck. Now? I am strong, brave, bold, and confident… I am a resilient human.
And you can be too.
The problem is that we wander around yearning for a care-free, easy existence. But this is unrealistic.
Life is tough. Life is full of pain, struggle and hardship usually surrounding the things that are the most important to us. So we must build a resilient mindset.
Rather than fighting against or becoming victims or hardship we need to build resilience towards it. We must gain knowledge and understanding of ourselves and others to make it all bearable.
Attempting to eliminate pain, struggle, stress and anxiety is an unachievable goal.
After all, SOME anxiety is actually good for us so we need it to stick around in some cases. But you can learn to manage it. You can learnt o become comfortable with the uncomfortable.
You do this by building a resilient mindset.
What’s become apparent is that I might always be an anxious soul. Nervous to take action and nervous to speak but I will DO IT ANYWAY.
And that is the difference between anxiety controlling you and you having control over it.
I am anxious but I will talk.
I am anxious but I will take action.
You can reach this point too and I am very happy to help get you there.
This blog is an accumulation of information, knowledge, research, tools and techniques (as well as some opinions of my own) to help you understand that you DESERVE and anxiety free existence and that YOU CAN take back control.
If I can do it, anyone can.